Have you ever...

Have you ever been in an emotional state of satisfaction, but then your body feels like crap, as if it is programmed to bring you down in one way or another? Mentally you feel neutral, stable, perhaps just calm with a nice equilibrium of positive and negative thoughts flowing through your brain.

You see, these are the 3 states that I have to juggle around, and there hardly ever seems to be a case for a long period of time in which all 3 things can be in the air at once. The same can be said for the opposite as well. As of right now however, the half-truth that be is that physically I feel rather weak, in pain, and a little scared. It is odd not knowing what is going on in your body, not knowing what the pain is for sure, or what that random sound that could be nothing, is in the pit of your stomach. Perhaps the fear makes it worse, perhaps the paranoia fuels the fire of whatever neurons are firing off in your body. But what is this, what could it be? Let us imagine for a second however that something was actually deathly wrong.

Does life become hazier or clearer?  Does everything begin to make sense, do things you feel like you have had to do for a while all of a sudden seem that much more important. As a young adult, we really don’t have to face the fear of death as much as say, a 60 year old. This could possibly be the reasoning behind the reckless abandon that most of us go through in these years of our life. A reckless abandon, at least that I myself do not regret, unless it would mean exiting the lives of the ones I love, or the ones that love me for that matter. But regret only goes so far, and the “life goes on factor” will eventually come in to play. 

When I do depart from this earth however, whether it be right now or in 60 years or somewhere in between or much after, I want to leave something behind, some kind of positive effect on at least one person in this life that can pass it on to at least one other person. A chain of positivity that spreads through the end of this earth’s existence. Perhaps that positivity will come in the thing I love to do most, which is in fact adventure. Which brings me to the question, what will you leave behind, if you care to leave behind anything anyways?

Now, minus the hypotheticals, I want to say that I am emotionally satisfied for the most part, and this mostly due to the lovely girlfriend that has been bestowed on my life, as well as the friends that have just happened to trip in to my life. I hope that they feel as appreciated as I do honored to have them be the ones I love. 

Tons is going through my head right now, a perhaps this will all just be another step forward in this thing I call life. In many cases it is time to get rid of the fear, that which I have negatively constructed in my head for nearly all my life. Fear, an entity not needed, created by nature, environment, society. Discard it and live happier.