Have you ever...

Because life is not worth living unless you are living it to it’s full potential. Full potential of life, how exactly do you identify it? Through a telescope, through a microscope, through a veil, or through the senses. Memories, comparisons, stories, lessons, teachers, students, writings, or movies? In what sense do we sense value?

Because life is not worth living unless you are living it to it’s full potential. Simple enough, I am not unique. But looking back on those pictures of 2009, I had a purpose, a goal, a never ending story to create. People began to fall out. Others fell in. Life fills up. Try not to overfill your glass. People will spill over, responsibilities must be cut. Then the the water is balanced again. 

Equilibrium. Static. Spree of consciousness.

With my first season as a referee coming to a close, I can’t help but think about the various ways my life has been affected by it. Or at least think about that which I have learned that can be applied to life in some way.

You see, in the beginning I had my doubts about whether or not I should go through with it or not. At that point in my life, 3 months filled with waking up at 6:30 on Saturday mornings did not sound that appealing whatsoever. However I would be compensated for with pay. I really had to think about whether or not this was a good investment, if my Fridays would be hindered, if my Saturdays would be owned, if it would have any effects on my relationship, if it would cause me to miss certain important moments. I also figured I would have to get over the mental block of being afraid to make a call, over the mental block of withholding blowing my whistle. In the end, with all considerations accounted for, I decided to take the job.

Now 2 and a half months later, the experience seems to be coming to a close at a rapid rate, as though I flipped a console on and the next thing I know I had beaten the game. I had quite a few experiences in that time, and there were quite a few lessons learned, whether it be related to reffing or not.

1) You can push the human body to extraordinary lengths before you black out.

It seems like every week that would pass I would tell myself this: This Friday will be the Friday that I fall asleep at 10 and wake up healthily at 6. Never once did that Friday come. It just never felt right saying goodbye to her on the Fridays we were together. It just never felt good leaving an experience unfinished. So I would stay up late, and at times just say Fuck sleep altogether. Now add that up with weekdays in which I would only get a couple to a few hours every day before going to school and you begin to feel the toll it takes on your body. However, at the end of the day, I am still standing, until of course I black out. And once I black out, that is when trouble begins.

 2) You have no control over the reactions your actions warrant.

People both in basketball and in life tend to believe that if you wish to not see the reactions resulting from your actions then you shouldn’t be making the call to begin with. As an official you have to make the call. If your eyes fall upon misdoings and broken rules, it is your duty to make that call. At times the fans will applaud. However then there will be those times in which the fans react negatively. There will always be the “Comeon!” the “Call it both ways!” and will soon be followed by the “Let them play!” At times, coaches will aggressively point out the calls I should be catching, and even the players will look at me with bewildered faces occasionally. Nobody knows that it is my first year as a referee, nor can they see some of the angles in which I can see the game. Nobody tends to think about the times in which a player is obstructing my view or that I can not catch everything. Nope, they just yell and cause the tension to rise. It is ok though, it comes with the job description. Never lose your composure.

3) Be confident in your call making.

Like buzzards circling a coyote whose life is uncertain, fans and coaches alike are ready and willing to descend upon you at the first sign of weakness. I do admit that in the beginning of my life as a referee I was afraid to blow the whistle in fear of obtaining howls or criticism from the majority for doing the wrong signal or simply making a “bad call.” Luckily my superiors assured me that confidence is the key to a smooth game. No matter if you think you should take back your call, blow your whistle hard and report the infraction with confidence. Only now do I realize at times all this is for is to make you feel calm. Sometimes the forum will never back you up, because in their eyes, you are equally the hero and villain.

4) If the whole building is against you, you can feel confident that your partner will back you up.

Never question your equal in earshot of your adversaries. No matter if you feel he is as blind as a bat or just plain stupid, you should always have their back. If you feel they should be watching something, up your own radar, and in between quarters, point out a few things here or there. Make a few suggestions, don’t yell, and don’t fight. Know that he or she would do the same for you. Hopefully.

5) Never count out the human spirit

When it feels as though you are at your lowest point, as though you are backed in to a corner with no way out, or as if you will never be able to catch up, there are always those people that catch a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th wind and push forward with everything they have. A burning desire to win, an aura brighter than anyone else’s can be seen emanating from this very beings soul. Like a fire, their determination can spread to their team mates, to their coach, to their fans and the interior of a once cold building will hum with beautiful scorching resonance. These are the times in life in which you see the impossible happen, the times in which you feel like a million bucks after you succeed, the times that will go down in your history as a moment you will never be able to forget.

In the beginning it was a simple way to get paid a few extra dollars here and there while being a part of one of my favorite sports again. It transitioned in to an unforgettable learning experience that I will hold dear. That is what life is all about, experiencing as much as we can, learning from each experience, building on block after block until our life bursts with memories and reason. Onwards, towards the New Age.

Day by day we can think of things to do,
That which we deem important,
That which yields productive results,
But the definition of productivity remains a chameleon.

It morphs with us hearing our thoughts,
Changing from business to leisure,
Changing from work to sleep,
But there is one color my chameleon frequents.

It warrants a striking color of love,
Aiming to strengthen and build,
Aiming to produce positive emotions,
However at times I fall short, very short.

The spinning arrow of fault belongs simply here,
Resting on my face with unbreakable resolve,
However, I must not lose sight of that goal,
I shall not become blind to that which I wait so patiently for.

I shower here. Constant blank somewhere. Not sick. Busy, lost work naps, falling pissed. Long why, just brb food. I chillin Chilis still. Prepping, expect Kara Yeahhh! Not washing Eli. Telefono to helping Wiiiiiiii Guitar. Waiting…must…thinking something. Sleeeep, Eat. I out long. Waiting. Waiting, I brb. Waiting. In…I’ll, if 99 to ever resting if sick, so, so something I…Mood: Anyway walk, think, shower. Lying Kevin clarification. Myspaceizzle getting away. Surprising to I…I sickkk. Mildly step, eat, if I best study. Shower freakin what, Blahhhh. Next time. No time heroes. Time traveling. Longggg work, he change yes? Essay Chomp! Choosing time, waiting. Odd work talk. I driving to <3. Trying back, experiencing fashion. Oh step I…I’ll web. I, another shower. Text out. I failed. Si, there something busy. Must, Out getting if 200. I, I’m going, we wrote. I…I shower. Family, meh, breakfast. Picking choices. I’ll words. I’ll…I’m BLANK! Right, the finals. Out, YAY! Eating. I’lllll finalssss. Studying time. Damn, never tired. Yessssssssssssssssss sleep. Seven, bored, brb. Point resting shift. What, what? Celebrating you, Celebrating Celebrating laser epicness! Getting La. It’ll not. It’s I’m. Ryan’s this, this, incredi-tired. Longggg I good. Good off, I sleep. Work, WORK?! Showerizzle. Sleep Mario Fam. I work skeeeeeeeep. School looks, looks ch. Getting out, Tennis. Fate off no goooooo. Feeling away. The Grammies. Watching sleep. Cleaning you lova. /Lame loVe, Ughhhhhh. Will watchmen? We’ll Cowle’s today. I’m, I’m Earth. Decisions, Tennis, Asleep. Settling hungry, lying hungry, lying. Hike, greed, work, shower. Family be homework. Zzzz. Target who out? Movies, its scratch then Massive, Massve spread. Men out. Everyone’s time. Joy lets people. It coming, preparing doubt. Certainty throw. Muken Adventcha. Curtain getting, you’ll yawn 1 ditto. Sitting, testing someone now. I all. Lets, what a commonalities in in. Time around blunt. These the 2 trance back unlocking the wicked, wrapped 29. No, it finally scaring. Sleeping returned. Tired DARCK. Insane if homemade show supression. You lying. Let I’m sleeping, drivinggg. Fam past talk. Come. The. She’s let. 33 something. I’ve dreaming. http you 1. Let another towards. Not in this. You charging, recharging. Climb out I’ve. A, if massive words. Not heart. Shampagne? Champagne. Why Champagne?! Recovery, resting red. Resting. BOOM! Spontaneity! Away cleaning semi-broken Zzzzzzz. Family cleaning. I sleeeep. Film shleep. Yohohoho we’ll open contest. Sleepp. Awizzle. Lots August. Let’s 3923. To guess past daft. In HAMMM! Lame time. Boxes Maximum! The Birthday Nights. These Parkview Disneyland. I 9 so more. Recovering Le 3D. Come…boycotting *zZzZzZz.*

And in the end it makes no sense.

Writing defined my life these past 7 years, and even before that the internet already had a strong grasp on my then-evolving mind. Looking back, from 2000 to 2010 my life entered a vortex, a torrent of wind that threw me around unforgivingly, that beat me down to the ground and through it, that juggled me like feather fighting against the wind. 

However, I am alive, and eventually I reached some kind of equilibrium, I obtained whatever footing was available to me and learned a hell of a lot. Next year I will be 20, and in my eyes, I will be a 3rd through my life. A 3rd, the first 3rd was for learning. These are the most important things I learned every year, as far as I can remember.

1990 - Crawling was a nice form of transportation
1991 - When I said Mom or Dad I would get my parent’s attention
1992 - Walking was an even better form of transportation
1993 - Throwing a ball was really fun
1994 - People weren’t paying as much attention to me as they used to.
1995 - The symbols A-Z had very special meanings
1996 - Chasing after girls, especially that one girl, was really fun.
1997 - You’ll make new friends wherever you end up
1998 - Sometimes the weirdest looking teachers have the best classes. Imagination.
1999 - According to a test I was gifted and belonged in a smarter class.
2000 - Boys and Girls can get along in a group just fine and all be friends.
2001 - Being away from Parents and being with just friends can be really fun.
2002 - There are a lot of different kind of people out there.
2003 - Waiting too long can cause you to lose an opportunity you may only have once.
2004 - Love is at times the strongest feeling in this universe.
2005 - Negative peer pressure is a bitch that should be avoided at all costs.
2006 - People aren’t always what they seem.
2007 - Even with a million chances, without change, subsequent attempts won’t work.
2008 - Letting go is hard, yet a necessity to move on with life.
2009 - When you feel like you’ve already encountered the best thing in life, life might surprise you and give you something even better.

Lessons learned, abilities learned. Hearts raised up, crushed, and put back together. Friend-making, Backstabbing, and Forgiving are all occurrences that will happen more than once in life. All in all, I can’t complain, for I am thankful to where life has brought me. Now onward to the 2nd 3rd of my life, that which should be much more colorful.